In celebration, I present some of Grandma's Greatest Hits:
The Summer of Her German Soldier: One day, my grandmother told me that one summer when she was ten she and one of her friends caught a German spy. "That was _Summer of My German Soldier_, Grandma", I told her, "I had to read it in fourth grade." [She was a remedial English teacher. She was not senile at the time. She was just a terrible liar.]
Grandma Got Game: Next, Grandma told me the story of how, one year, she'd had an awkward student in her class with poor concentration. In order to get through to him, she taught him to pay basketball. That alleged student's alleged name? Michael Jordan. Yeah. Right.
After forcing my girlfriend to share her bed, Grandma exposes herself to her.
Antique Omlette Plan. Yeah. Right.
That's all I've got, actually.
Grandma was an unpleasant woman. I stopped visiting her with the rest of the family as soon as I could. (I took friends to her house only because it was on the waterfront and she was supposed to be out of the country -- she rained on that parade by coming home early.) Now she's dead, and I can stop worrying about her harrassing phone calls and anonymous letters.